I've neglected my blog. That's not to say I haven't been writing, I have, (although admittedly only on the rare occasion) but for the last 6 months I believed I had nothing worthwhile to share with you.
I got absorbed into the Byron Bubble... big time. After the hassle of losing my passport, I arrived in Australia with a negative amount of money, and I resolved to return to my workaholic ways. I worked 5 days a week housekeeping at the YHA, 3 nights bar tending at the Brewery and 2 afternoons housekeeping at a different B&B. As if my hectic work schedule wasn't enough, I somehow found myself involved in a quasi-sort-of relationship, so when I wasn't working I was disappearing to Lennox Head for days at a time and when I wasn't doing that I was probably out with Jules, listening to live music at The Rails with a Stone & Wood Pacific Ale in hand or dancing at the main beach drum circle with a bottle of $5 Gossip Pinot Grigio in hand. Despite all the work, every day I woke up feeling like a kid on the first day of summer vacation. Weeks disappeared without a trace, life was a blur of work and play and as wonderful and fantastic as it all was my introverted self longed for down time.
On top of it all, I was torn. I wanted to leave Byron and explore more of the country, but I was so genuinely happy it seemed absurd to leave. Then there was the matter of the guy I was dating, I was pretty crazy about him, but there was still so much I wanted to see and do and accomplish, it seemed absurd to get further involved. In the end things fell apart of their own accord and on that same day I got a Facebook message from my cousin Bryan asking if I wanted to house/dog sit for he and Zoe while they took their family back to Canada for Christmas. What's that cliche? When one door closes another one opens?
Desperate to escape the small town and my ex who had remained very close with all my friends, I immediately accepted.
My time in Eumundi was great, spending time with Zoe and the kids was fantastic and then having that alone time was just what I needed. When I received some upsetting news from Byron, I allowed myself one day of self pity and then dedicated the rest of my time to self-love. I worked out, did yoga and meditated; I cooked myself healthy gourmet meals; I napped frequently; and read and wrote as much as I could. But Bryan and family were soon to return and my flight to Bali was in a month, I needed to make a decision.
I could:
a) Stay put in Eumundi
b) Try to do some traveling around Aus
c) Try to find a job and establish accommodation only to have to leave soon after or
d) Return to Byron, stay with friends and go back to my job at the brewery.
For days I lamented over my options. I had just established a really killer group of friends before I left and despite my still fresh heartache, Byron was calling for me (my extreme case of FOMO contributed to my decision.) In the end, I took my mom's advice when she said, "Francesca, if that's what you want, put on your big girl panties and make it happen" and I made peace with my former flame. Before long I was back in the bubble.
~~~
I was a different person and Byron was a new place. It was louder and more crowded and more hectic. The locals were up in arms over the implementation of paid parking. New people had come, old people had left, and me? I felt reincarnated, I vowed to be the most social version of myself and submitted to a hedonistic lifestyle: I ate, I drank, I smoked, I attended every party, every gathering. I moved into a tiny two man tent in The Arts Factory, a place where one could easily disappear for days in the lush jungle midst the clouds of marijuana smoke and the sound of bongo drums. Despite it's dreamlike quality, I spent very little time at the campsite, in fact, the once somewhat-anti social me now found being alone, even for a moment, to be intolerable. Maybe I was afraid of my own thoughts or feeling any real emotion because for that first week back there was not one day in which I did not drink. Coming down from that bender was like crashing and burning, I felt unbearably sad. After that, I chilled out on the partying, but still couldn't be by myself. I found myself crashing on couches or cuddling in the beds of my girlfriends more appealing than retreating to my empty, musty tent, even if it was enclosed by 100+ other tents.
I will forever be grateful to my incredible group of friends for accepting me (flaws and all) and for listening when I bemoaned my personal problems and for always showing me so much love and support.
Byron was a wild ride but I don't harbor an ounce of remorse regarding any of it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry for not blogging and I'm sorry I haven't kept in better touch with you all, there is no excuse.
I'm out of the bubble now and I'll never lose sight of what's important again.
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